Open letter to Olinda Chideme

Olinda Chideme (Mrs Stunner) breaks down on Social Media Live
vOlinda Chideme (Mrs Stunner) breaks down on Social Media Live

Dear Olinda

Initially, I chose to stay away from what has been going on, because something was just not right and did not know what to say. After you issued an apology to your husband, I came to the conclusion that surely this was a publicity stunt, considering your husband Stunner’s history, but clearly after your live Facebook video today, that is not the case. For that I owe you an apology, you were not acting, but it was real.

I want to make it clear to you that I sympathize with you as a woman. I’ve been abused too. For me it was not just my ex-husband, but his mother, his brother, and three sisters. They took the abuse to church, where one day they called an ambulance for me to be sectioned, but the paramedics refused to do such. I was called ugly, mad, demon possesed you name it. I never knew I was considered a beautiful woman until I left my first husband.

I am only telling you this so you know I have been there myself. I know what abuse is and what it does to the mind of a woman.

However, my dear Olinda, I think what you need now is to be simply told the truth. Right now just offering you sympathy and a shoulder to cry on is not enough.  I consider you a blessed woman, because you have people around you who are actually trying to help you, as seen in your latest video. Even after the first video you posted on Thursday, it seems there are people there who are not shouting at you, not calling you names, but just trying to talk to you.

I personally never had that privilege during the darkest times of my life. The day the ambulance was called in front of the whole church, no one stood with me. I went to the church elder, he said his job was to preach not to be entangled in domestic affairs. I called the Pastors and they refused to even listen to me. I  just wanted people to talk to, but there was none. When I ended up in the women’s refugee I was completely alone. No family or friends to console me. So in the end, I took to social media to document my abuse story on a blog, and here I am today.

As a woman, there is only so much you can get away with when you “kick off”. If it becomes a habit, you are seen as simply crazy/psychopathic. There are only a few glasses you can smash. Behaviour like that, no matter how abused you are, can only be tolerated for a short time. Even the most abusive man will also get fed up of your “outbursts”.

These are some of the things I learned in my first marriage. I cried, smashed plates, threatened suicide, you name it. But I realized that no matter how abusive my ex-husband was, behaving like that was never going to change him or make him love me more, or help me in any way. Afterwards, I even felt stupid and guilty. I learned that a woman ought to conduct herself with dignity and self-control.

Ever since I left my ex-husband never ever have I smashed a cup over a man. As a woman you have to command respect from a man. You owe it to your dignity and self-worth. What I have learned is never to act “crazy” over a man. If you are to go crazy, do it only once to send a message to him, after that you will not be able to get away with it, no matter how wrong or abusive he is.

Now Olinda, this is not one saga you can afford to play out live on Facebook. Yes social media is a powerful tool in exposing abuse, but in no way should you compromise your dignity whilst doing it. You can not allow yourself to have a mental breakdown live on Facebook over a man. It’s just wrong on so many levels. You may think you are doing this to destroy Stunner, but you are destroying yourself more. You are destroying your own hard work and career. You are shaming yourself and your children.

There is nothing that people on Facebook can do to help you. We can only watch the drama. If you keep on posting these live videos, people will eventually lose sympathy and just see you as “mad” as even starting to happen today. On Thursday people were standing by you. Yesterday reactions were strongly divided, I even thought it was a publicity stunt. But today, some people are even sympathizing with your husband Stunner after your recent video. And to be fair, he seems to be putting up with a lot right now, don’t allow him to be proven right.

I’m sorry that your mother died. But you need to pull yourself together and just stop. Please log out of Facebook. Stay away from Stunner, at least for now. You can not mention suicide twice live on social media. You can not threaten arson live on social media. Arson is a criminal offense. You can not ignore people who are pleading with you to stop whilst you are so emotionally distressed and choose to speak to people on Facebook whom you do not even know. Olinda, you can not do this. You can not post another video again on Facebook in the state you are in. You need help. Professional help before something tragic happens live on Facebook.

I have also reported your Facebook account so that it can be completely deactivated for your own safety and well-being. I hope it will be possible. You are now a danger to yourself and those around you.

I hope maybe someone close to you can send you this even over WhatsApp.

I know you have it in you to be strong Olinda. Come on, you are a woman who has given birth, what pain exceeds childbirth. There is strength in you somewhere to pull yourself together. This is no longer about Stunner, its about you. Your health and safety.

When they called an ambulance on me and said I was crazy, I created my motto in my head ” I AM NOT MAD, I AM JUST A WOMAN”. I told myself that over and over, and I became strong within myself. Please take my motto and run with it Olinda, I heard you in the video say you are not mad.

Now your task is to prove it. Yes a man can drive you crazy, but it is your job, not his or anyone to prove yourself sane.

Show us all that you are the strong, beautiful, intelligent, independent and definitely not mad woman we have always read about. You can do it. The battle is in your mind. Make your mama proud, think of what she would want you to do right now.

Yours sincerely

Jean Gasho

  • Jean Gasho is female blogger and an inspirational survivor of abuse. She blogs on jeangasho.com